Monday, August 8, 2011

He Won't....

He won't be there tomorrow.
He won't be there to cry happy tears with me when Stella rolls over.
He won't lean over to kiss me goodbye before work.
He won't say "I love you" anymore.
He won't hug me.
He won't take forever in the shower, until I have to go in and yell at him to get out.
He won't sit on the back porch with a landshark after a long, hot day.
He won't bring me a glass of wine after Stella has gone to sleep.
He won't call me just to say "I'm thinking about you babe".
He won't walk in the door, scrub up like he's going into surgery, and hold Stella til it's bedtime.
He won't be upstairs giving Stella a bath, with me listening to his laughter and smiling.
He won't give me a kiss after driving over the railroad tracks.
He won't be by my side, parenting and loving our little girl.
He won't hold my hand in the car.
He won't fight me over the radio stations.
He won't tiptoe through the house in his dirty work boots, hoping that I don't see.
He won't throw the ball for Bridgette until she's practially hyperventilaing.
He won't get to make Stella a toy chest like he wanted to.
He won't say "Can I be the little spoon?" before falling asleep.
He won't be here.

What the hell.
This is unfair.
When will it stop hurting so damn bad?

1 comment:

  1. He is your memories, in the thousands of pictures you have around your house, in your friendships that have blossomed, in your heart and soul and most importantly- in your beautiful baby girl- Stella. He will live in her too- and I'm sure as she gets older, you will see more and more of him in her.
    We all wish there was something we could do to ease the ache in your core right now- wishes there was a way to turn back the clock for at least one more moment with your love...But until we figure that one out, we will just be here for you (and baby girl)...whether it's to just listen (or read), to hug, to cry, to distract you or to take turns babysitting...don't doubt for one minute- you are never alone.
    Big Hugs <3