Sunday, August 14, 2011


On Thursday, just one day shy of her three month birthday, Stella rolled over! My mom and Erin happened to see it too, which made the moment even more special.  It was so sweet, because she was trying to get to Finley (her little cousin) when she did it. It was such a happy moment, but at the same time it was completely heartbreaking.  It reminded me that Pete won't be there to share in all of Stella's "firsts", the milestones of her life.  I know everyone says that he's there with me, and I do believe that.  But it's just not the same.  There are going to be so many more of these moments, each one of them leaving me with the happy/sad feeling.  I know happy/sad all too well.  My whole life has been filled with those happy/sad moments.  Happy for my achievements and the big (and sometimes not so big) moments in my life; sad that my dad wasn't there to enjoy those moments with.  The crazy thing is, once I had Stella the "sad" part seemed to go away. Yes, I was still missing my Dad, wishing that he was there to enjoy this amazing time in my life.  But the happy was so overpowering that it washed away the sadness.  I had Pete and Stella.  What more could I want in life? Now, happy/sad is back.  And poor Stella is going to know happy/sad. 

I hate happy/sad.

I just want happy.

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